By Sanjum Sandhu

“You’re the sun, you’ve never seen the night, but you hear its song from the morning birds. Well, I’m not the moon, I’m not even a star, but awake at night I’ll be singing to the birds.” 

Mitski at the Day In Day Out music festival. Photo credit: David Lee.

On March 1, 2016, Japanese-American musical artist Mitski released her “Your Best American Girl” single from her album Puberty 2. Each stanza chronicles the battles and contrasts Mitski’s perspective on life and the one she loves. The first time I heard these lyrics, I felt seen and recognized, but most of all, I found someone who could vocalize my emotions. This song catalyzed my love for Mitski, and the more I listened to every one of her songs, the more I heard words that I had struggled to articulate and share with others. Since 2020, I have subconsciously memorized her entire discography, and I saw her in concert in D.C. at The Anthem on her “Laurel Hell” tour in 2022. 

I wish I could say I discovered her through my own browsing means, but I only looked her up on YouTube one random day in 2020 because of her TikTok viral song, “Nobody.” I remember thinking about how interesting I found her voice and how her lyrics were so simple yet so real. Being a love-longing 8th Grader isolated from all of her friends and any self-designed moments of Middle School romance due to COVID-19, this song began to comfort my self-inflicted heartbreak.

If this song was so comforting, I thought she must have other songs like it. Like any rising high school student, I wanted nothing to do with sticking out or being unique; following the crowd felt most safe. But in doing this, I had to ignore the feelings of isolation and the internal identity conflict I had struggled to share with others for so long. So, I opened her YouTube music page—a stigma to me because all my other friends had Spotify Premium, while I had YouTube Red, because YouTube had more Punjabi music for my parents to listen to. To be safe, I clicked on “Nobody” and bopped along to the rhythmic beat and melodic lyrics. 

That was followed by “Washing Machine Heart,” which was not as relatable but quickly got stuck in my head. The following three songs were “First Love/ Late Spring,” “Francis Forever,” and, lastly, “Your Best American Girl.” I was awestruck by Mitski’s vocal capabilities and remarkable lyrical design for each one. She utilizes complex metaphors designed to evoke exact emotions that would not be previously related to her imagery. For example, she sings, “And did you know the Liberty Bell is a replica, Silently housed in its original walls. And while its dreams played music in the night, Quietly, it was told to believe,” in her song “Last Words of a Shooting Star.” 

Mitski performing in 2015. Photo credit: Courtney Emery.

As she explained in her interview with Margaret Talbot of The New Yorker, Mitski’s story begins when she knew she was talented through the admiration she gained from her performances in the middle and high school choir. She, too, was a confused high school student unaware of her talents. She felt out of place anywhere she was and had little connection to reality. One day, Mitski felt almost in a trance as she began writing her first song and realized she carried a particular skill that ignited a passion she had never felt before. Her first albums were messages of emotions that she tenderly wrote of her life experiences but designed with meticulous compositional skills. “I’m fundamentally just someone who needs to give myself to something, and so I decided on music,” she stated. Music was something she could finally find fulfillment in; her life no longer seemed ambitionless. 

Geoge Griffith, in an article for Offical Charts, dives into the question “Who is Mitski?” as the article is titled. He states that Mitski is “one of the most enigmatic and adored alternative idols of her generation.” He mentions her seven released albums: Lush (2012), Retired From Sad, New Career In Business (2013), Bury Me At Makeout Creek (2014), Puberty 2 (2016), Be The Cowboy (2018), Laurel Hell (2022) and The Land Is Inhospitable And So Are We (2023). Each album is representative of her growth as a person. At first, it is clear she is still fresh out of high school and navigating through the foreign world of adulthood. But as time progresses, each album becomes more organized, and the way she presents her emotions displays the maturity she gains with time.  

I struggled with finding the balance between being the child of Indian immigrant parents and trying to be liked by my new Middle School peers at Collegiate. The two could not exist at the same time. I suppressed my personality, the way I thought, and how my home life was because I valued fitting in more than being myself. I wanted to be the classic American girl that all my friends and peers were, but over time, the facade caught up to me. I was in constant turmoil, trying to be perfect in everyone else’s eyes, so that no part of my true identity could be seen. I was never satisfied with myself, and I greatly feared that my peers would begin to push me away as well. Along with my turmoil of identity, my emotional intelligence was expanding, and I could not comprehend what I was thinking. To this day, I struggle to balance seeming “normal” to my peers while also being fearless in displaying my culture. 

Album cover for Be the Cowboy. Image credit: Bao Ngo and Dead Oceans.

Then COVID-19 hit, and so did Mitski. The first time I listened to “Your Best American Girl,” I replayed the song at least five or six times. With each replay, I felt a more profound connection to the music. The lyrics felt like a long-needed hug. Mitski sings, “And you’re an all-American boy. I guess I couldn’t help trying to be the best American girl.” In a 2016 interview with NPR, Mitski revealed her desire to fit into a culture not made for her and found that changing herself just for love still could not surpass the boundary. She says, “Wanting so badly to fit into this very American person’s life, and simply not being able to, just fundamentally being from a different place and feeling like I would just get in the way of their progression in their life.” Though my perspective had nothing to do with love, I was just a Middle School girl; I had tried so hard to be someone that an unnerving distance formed between me and my peers because they did not connect with me, but rather the person I was pretending to be. 

I wish I knew more people who listened to Mitski as avidly as I do. She is like my Taylor Swift; I could talk for hours about the meaning behind my favorite songs and how Mitski changed my life. One moment of incredible pride was introducing Mitski to my older sister, VCU Med School student Yashnoor Sandhu. I instilled the same passion for Mitski’s music in her as I did myself. However, with the release of her new album, the song “My Love All Mine” has gained popularity with passionate fans and people who have never even heard of Mitski. In one article by Alex Harris of Neon Music, “My Love All Mine” was described as a “celestial metaphor, drawing a poignant parallel between the moon’s perennial glow and love’s unyielding light.” In simpler terms, the parallel between the moon’s indefinite light and love’s boundless reach has touched the hearts of many across the internet. 

At Mitski’s Laurel Hell tour in 2022. Photo credit: Yashnoor Sandhu.

When I asked Sandhu why she connected with Mitski’s music, she said, “She ingeniously articulates emotions and experiences that are difficult to capture with words.” My sister is relatively different from me. Although we are not social queens, she is more upfront than I am, fearing no judgment. She never once felt the internal identity conflict that came with being a second-generation immigrant, but she was treated differently because of it. She was held to standards of what people thought all Indians should be like, and she felt helpless when trying to compare to those standards. Sandhu adds, “In that way, her lyrics enable the listener to form a much deeper sensory connection with the song.” As our conversations about Mitski have extended over numerous hours, dissecting each line, we have found the different ways her music has spoken to our personalities. 

Some aspects of Mitski’s music relate to my identity, others to my personality. I am relatively introverted and always had difficulties expressing myself. In a Buzzfeed article ranking her ten most emotional songs (in the opinion of writer “tdeli”), “I Will” was Mitski’s most emotional song. The depth of unwavering acceptance is “comforting but in a melancholic way,” as the author writes, and is the perfect summary of this song. I sought approval of my personality for so long, and upon hearing this song, I felt relieved knowing there was a chance of a genuine connection stemming from acceptance, regardless of the superficial aspects of a person. 

Mitski does not receive the same recognition as many other artists because of her alternative take on much of her music. While she is mainly labeled an indie artist, she incorporates many thematic elements that shift her music from classic indie to alternative. She is not afraid of public backlash because her music is for herself. She writes to share her passion for art rather than to create what the media wants of her. And it pays off. Songs like her newly released song “My Love All Mine” have received outstanding praise. As user Sakkkye on Reddit says, “Same here, and she talked about it so candidly.. as if it wasn’t the most moving thing I’ve heard. Still crying to the song.” And I find this to be her most prominent talent. She took deep, intricate, and realistic themes and spoke of them candidly and without sugarcoating her emotions. She feels what she feels and writes, and it is incredible.

Mitski performing during her Laurel Hell tour. Photo credit: Sanjum Sandhu.

“My Love All Mine” is just one of the eleven songs she has recently released in her new album The Land is Inhospitable and So Are We. As evident in the album name, the album is candid, speaking of her life and experiences and vivid yet common human nature. It has quickly become one of my favorite Mitski albums, and it took me no time (three days) to learn every lyric to every song on the track. 

While I often laugh at my friends who are diehard Taylor Swift fans, I am the same. I have watched almost every one of Mitski’s interviews, read her descriptions of each song, and have her entire discography memorized. I even have a playlist named “I ♥️ Mitski” featuring every song she has ever released. But everyone has a connection to their favorite artist for a reason. Whether it be to their voice, lyrics, beat, or melodies, we are all drawn to our favorites for our reasons. Finding an artist who could explicitly illustrate aspects of my identity that I felt insecure and alone about, and could vocalize everyday emotional stresses, has been a blessing. No matter the mood, I can rely on her voice to seek comfort through difficult and joyous moments. 

Featured image credit: David Lee.