Collegiate’s Hidden Course List

HUMOR

Alternative English Electives

Did you skim the list of English electives and look in horror upon the collection of arbitrarily-named courses? Did you rank them from 1-13 at random before just barely getting your form in on time? Have you still not turned it in? If so, you may find this list of hidden courses more appealing – it’s never too late to sign up.

A Man and His Lightbulb*: Speechmaking taught in the style of an acclaimed and eloquent former member of the Collegiate faculty. With a focus on elaborate metaphors, and dramatic tangents, and long-winded speeches, students will be aptly prepared to give thrilling and memorable senior speeches. See some of his work here.

LITerature*: Students read a selection of books on entrepreneurship and the latest in trends, including Vapreneur: Your Guide to Mastering the Vape Space by Norm Bour, I Want to Vape! by Donald Blakely, and others. This semester will take students on a journey through a hidden (yet self-righteous) Richmond culture.  Class will be held in a private study room in the Octagon.

Tumblr Poetry*: This course is self-explanatory.

The author of this post has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

The author of this post has chosen to remain anonymous for privacy reasons.

Credits: chucklingpecan.tumblr.com

Image credit: chucklingpecan.tumblr.com.

?? The Visual Novel (or, “Text Me, Ishmael”)*: Students spend a semester learning to translate stories into visual masterpieces with the use of emoji and other ideograms.  The course will culminate in a full-length novel translation mirroring the style of Fred Benenson, who translated Herman Melville’s Moby Dick into Emoji Dick ?. The course will culminate with each student translating a famous work of literature into emoji. Choices will include Infinite Jest, War and Peace, and The Art Of The Deal. 

Tales of a Goochland Cadet*: An off-campus course taught at a fellow prep school by a semi-qualified military-trained teacher, this course will teach students to communicate in monosyballic words and analyze relevant written and visual works from Twitter, Instagram, etc. At the same time, they will learn the subtle art of mentioning one’s highlight film whenever possible.

Meow, I’m a Catastrophe*: Students learn to craft crowd-pleasing emails for the entire student body when faced with an open Cougar Cloud account. This moment can be stressful, mind-bending, and, some might even say, crucial. With the skills attained in this course, students will no longer need to rely on overused jokes and exhausted memes when addressing their peers under someone else’s name.

Amped Anthropology*: An in-depth cultural analysis of the brotherhood of lacrosse, also referred to as “lax bros.” Students will begin by examining what fosters a diehard devotion to the sport, and will even delve into the more serious psychological facets of lacrosse allegiance. These range from compulsive stick-toting to an obsession with the bright orange color of their tribe, and even a physical dependence and crippling addiction to Gatorade.

Graphic Journalism*: Resident expert Sawyer Gaffney (‘16) leads students in an exploration of trendy, yet vulgar journalism. His style is bold and captivating, and his protégés will learn to question the boundaries of journalism and word choice throughout the semester. 

Daniel: The Story of a Survivor*: A discussion-based support group-style course for all students named Daniel at Collegiate (or Daniel sympathizers), so that they may share their particular stories in the wake of recent Internet events. Students will have the opportunity to share what white Vans mean to them, and how they can combat the influx of comments they receive purely thanks to their name. In May, students will have the opportunity to meet a fellow survivor, Rebecca Black, who has endured harsh online criticism for her 2011 song, “It’s Friday.”

Literature of Fascism*: Explore the writings, speeches, and tweets of a leading Republican presidential candidate. The course will focus on the use of ad hominem attacks, cyberbullying, frightening hair, having the complexion of a sweet potato, and speaking too much while having nothing of substance to say. Members of white supremacist organizations immediately qualify to receive Honors credit.

*Not NCAA-approved for Division I and Division II athletes

Cover image by hubpages.com.

About the author

Elizabeth doesn't have her real license yet.