Before you read on… you must decide. Team Svab or Team Thornton? That’s right, people; the inevitable has finally happened: Mr. Svab has declared war on Dr. Thornton, and in the ensuing chaos, the school was partitioned, weapons were handed out, and friendships were broken. No one seems to know why the two, who usually go together like peanut butter and mustard, have decided to become mortal enemies. Perhaps it has something to do with the notorious DFW, or perhaps someone’s favorite obscure author was criticized. However, the Harkness Table room is a treacherous war-zone, and no reporter dares go near enough to discover the true origin of this problem.
But no matter, we can’t worry ourselves with why it happened, we can only focus on what is happening now… which is, in short, utter mayhem. Honors projects are being used as projectiles, and Dr. Thornton’s maniacal laughter can be heard echoing down the war-torn, destroyed halls. I can’t write much, as I speak Mr. Svab is gathering an army of obsequious sophomores who want to take his class, which I can only assume will be set loose on the Dr. Thornton-supporting side of the school at any moment. Beware reader, choose a side carefully! This is a fight not just for the English department, but for the world!