Dogs Do Not Exist

In a new scientific study involving the conic preceptors and the neuroplasticity of the interactions between the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, top researchers from Botswana have concluded that canines, in fact, do not exist. The furry creatures that we all know and love as pets and faithful companions have never actually been there at all; they are simply ocular tricks, or magic, so to speak. The scientists stated that dogs only are perceived to exist when they are in direct observation from a human or other animal. When they are not in direct observation, however, they are simply not there. For example, yes, you may think you are walking your dog, but if you are not sensing it at all (not seeing, hearing, smelling, touching, or tasting your dog) there is no physical link to the dog and the physical reality; it does not exist.

Some in the southern hemisphere believe a different theory, however. They think dogs are robotic spies created from nuclear bomb scrap from collaboration between the Soviet Union, Communist China, and North Korea. These robotic pets collect information for their leaders then disintegrate when you aren’t looking, because robots don’t exist either, as proven by a group of highly trained monkeys in southern Chile in 1887. This research is under debate in modern labs due to the fact that monkeys were recently discovered as nonexistent as well.


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About the author

Kyra has been writing for The Match for four years and is co-editor this year with Emily and Gabi. When she isn't reading The Match, she enjoys chocolate, professional wrestling, and long walks on the beach.