Top Ten Ways to Ask a Guy to Sweet 16

10. She went to Jared.

9.8. At gunpoint.

9.7. Build a giant plywood “16?” sign in his yard and light it on fire.

9.5. Build a shrine in his closet, complete with photos, 16 locks of hair, baby teeth you’ve collected over the years, and stolen items of clothing.

9. Hide under his car.

8. Ask at the Dance… to be different.

7.5. Hold him hostage for 16 hours.

7. Spell out “16?” in soup on his bed.

6.5. Make your own spreadsheet.

6.4. Spray tan “16?” on your shoulderz.

6. Send him 16 chicken tenders.

5. Geocaching.

4.2. 16 lightbulbs.

4. Skydive and land in his front yard.

5. Train a school of Left Sharks to spell out “16?” in his pool.

4. Write 16 five-paragraph essays about why he should go with you to the dance.

16. Just ask him.

3. 16-boy Hunger Games.

2. Shave “16?” into your scalp… or his.

1.3. Tattoo “16?” on him while he sleeps.


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About the author

Sheldon has been writing for The Match since 2007. He is a perpetual senior, coming close to graduating a few times. In his free time, he enjoys watersports, such as chess and calculus.