Matchmakers 2015

Have you been feeling down lately? Maybe, just maybe, a certain somebody (or thing) is missing from your life… a person who completes you and will possibly purchase candy for you on Valentine’s Day. Yes, we all need one of those people in our lives. So it is with the greatest honor that we, the captivating co-editors, have become Cupids, spreading rainbows and butterflies with each star-crossed lover that we pair. If your match doesn’t work out, don’t worry, because it will. You can thank us in person for uniting you with your soulmate, but gifts of puppies and heart-shaped pizza would also be appreciated.

Deborah and Nash What does Nash want in a soulmate? Deborah. What is Nash’s favorite color? Fierce red, like Deborah. Nash’s favorite dictator? Deborah. The rest is history.

Deborah Afolayan and Nash Wiley                             What does Nash want in a soulmate? Deborah. What is Nash’s favorite color? Fierce red, like Deborah. Nash’s favorite dictator? Deborah. The rest is history.


 

They both have black souls, they both like snacking on candied meat, and they both have an undying, fiery passion for this guy. (Orin approves of this match).

Allie Douma and Caroline Pollard.                                                      They both have black souls, they both like snacking on candied meat, and they both have an undying, fiery passion for this guy. (Orin approves of this match).


 

We’re not sure how this would work out, since it seems more like an unhealthy, one-sided obsession, so maybe Faith should just date a cardboard cutout of Sam Winchester for best results.

Faith Reed and Sam Winchester                                                               We’re not sure how this would work out, since it seems more like an unhealthy, one-sided obsession, so maybe Faith should just date a cardboard cutout of Sam Winchester for best results.


 

Emily’s greatest wish is to be adopted by Tom Hanks, and maybe we can make her dreams come true this Valentine’s Day. Run (Forrest, run...into Emily’s waiting embrace. ;)

Emily Gerber and Tom Hanks                                                                              Emily’s greatest wish is to be adopted by Tom Hanks, and maybe we can make her dreams come true this Valentine’s Day. Run Forrest, run…into Emily’s waiting embrace. 😉


 

Sawyer is a self-proclaimed “scandalous lavender, that suggests that I am seductive, a sexy savant, if you will, but also deep and profound.” Carly too is a deep, sumptuous purple who looks for someone who is funny yet serious... and a sexy savant who is also profound totally fits the bill. Sawyer and Carly, you can thank us later.

Sawyer Gaffney and Carly Hayes                                                      Sawyer is a self- proclaimed “scandalous lavender, that suggests that I am seductive, a sexy savant if you will but also deep and profound.” Carly too is a deep, sumptuous purple who looks for someone who is funny yet serious…and a sexy savant who is also profound totally fits the bill. Sawyer and Carly, you can thank us later.


 

Jordan Marcus and Dorsey Ducharme These two lovebirds share a passion, no, an obsession, with donuts. And I mean, what more do you really need in common with your lover than a shared obsession? Look out for these two on a hot date at Sugar Shack.

Jordan Marcus and Dorsey Ducharme
These two lovebirds share a passion, no, an obsession, with donuts. And I mean, what more do you really need in common with your lover than a shared obsession? Look out for these two on a hot date at Sugar Shack.


 

Allie Straus and Hart Johnson They both share loves for the things that really matter: Cats, food, cats, cats, donuts, cats, singing the alphabet backwards, and cats. They are likely to be featured on “Doomsday Preppers” as that couple who is preparing not only a zombie-proof shelter for themselves, but one for their 24 kittens as well.

Allie Straus and Hart Johnson
They both share loves for the things that really matter: Cats, food, cats, cats, donuts, cats, singing the alphabet backwards, and cats. They are likely to be featured on “Doomsday Preppers” as that couple who is preparing not only a zombie-proof shelter for themselves, but one for their 24 kittens as well.


 

Zak Mai and Ymani Breedlove Queen Z, meet Queen B. Ymani can provide the endless Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets that are so important to Zak, and Zak is certainly the athletic and adventurous (duh, Homecoming Court?) boy who she’s always dreamed of. Spicy, sassy, and fierce, you certainly won’t be able to miss this couple (since they are very... spirited).

Zak Mai and Ymani Breedlove
Queen Z, meet Queen B. Ymani can provide the endless Chick-Fil-A chicken nuggets that are so important to Zak, and Zak is certainly the athletic and adventurous (duh, homecoming court?) boy who she’s always dreamed of. Spicy, sassy, and fierce, you certainly won’t be able to miss this couple (since they are very…spirited).


 

Austin Jupe and Emily LaPlante  Austin described himself as a rich shade of white-ish black, while Emily is a tickle me pink, and of course we know that opposites attract. Besides, they both love Kim Jong Un, and a love founded upon a North Korean dictator is sure to be splendid and fulfilling. And at special request of Emily LaPlante, we made sure her future partner has all of his facial features in the correct place! You’re welcome.

Austin Jupe and Emily LaPlante
Austin described himself as a rich shade of white-ish black, while Emily is a tickle me pink, and of course we know that opposites attract. Besides, they both love Kim Jong Un, and a love founded upon a North Korean dictator is sure to be splendid and fulfilling. And at special request of Emily LaPlante, we made sure her future partner has all of his facial features in the correct place! You’re welcome.


 

Vaden Reid and Meriwether Roberts Vaden seemed to be at a loss for words when filling out our survey, but that won’t be a problem, since Meriwether will do all the talking for both of them gladly. You may hear the couple heatedly discussing guns... and by the couple, we mean Meriwether.

Vaden Reid and Meriwether Roberts
Vaden seemed to be at a loss for words when filling out our survey, but that won’t be a problem, since Meriwether will do all the talking for both of them gladly. You may hear the couple heatedly discussing guns… and by the couple, we mean Meriwether.


 

Annie Norman and Collin Moore Two self-described sparkly, glittery pinks, we recommend that they take their honeymoon to Disneyworld, where they can share in their love for fearless and brave Disney princesses and things that are really, really adorable.

Annie Norman and Collin Moore
Two self-described sparkly, glittery pinks, we recommend that they take their honeymoon to Disneyworld, where they can share in their love for fearless and brave Disney princesses and things that are really, really adorable.


 

Emily Erard and Landon Nott  Emily and Landon can go on their first date to build a fort in preparation for the apocalypse (with Mr. Reynolds as a chaperone, of course).

Emily Erard and Landon Nott
Emily and Landon can go on their first date to build a fort in preparation for the apocalypse (with Mr. Reynolds as a chaperone of course).


 

Mark and MK His ideal girlfriend is a swimmer with blonde hair, who goes to UCLA and is named Mary-Katherine Kish. He is also as “smooth as a baby’s bottom”, so we’re sure that she won’t be able to resist. And second time’s the charm, right? #MKKISH

Mark Brizzolara and Mary-Katherine Kish
His ideal girlfriend is a swimmer with blonde hair, who goes to UCLA and is named Mary-Katherine Kish. He is also as “smooth as a baby’s bottom”, so we’re sure that she won’t be able to resist. And second time’s the charm, right? #MKKISH


 

Grant Villanueva and Christy Bacon Grant fits all of Christ’s requirements: dark, handsome, athletic, and loves math “;)”. With their sassy-yet-sweet personalities and love for brunette Disney heroines, it’s obvious that they are meant to be.

Grant Villanueva and Christy Bacon
Grant fits all of Christ’s requirements: dark, handsome, athletic, and loves math “;)”. With their sassy-yet-sweet personalities and love for brunette Disney heroines, it’s obvious that they are meant to be.


 

Penn Mayhew and Caroline Weinberg  These two jokesters really appreciate rainbows, butterflies, laughter, and the earlobe. In a few years, you can expect to see this couple kicking the apocalypse's butt, with Penn as the queen of the zombies of course.

Penn Mayhew and Caroline Weinberg
These two jokesters really appreciate rainbows, butterflies, laughter, and the earlobe. In a few years, you can expect to see this couple kicking the apocalypse’s butt, with Penn as the queen of the zombies of course.


 

Ashray Namala and Aven Jones  Ashray is enamored by Aven’s eyes, which he claims are “hype as frick”, while Aven wants someone who “gives killer backrubs or sings”. We’re sure Ashray is willing and able to take on these tasks.

Ashray Namala and Aven Jones
Ashray is enamored by Aven’s eyes, which he claims are “hype as frick”, while Aven wants someone who “gives killer backrubs or sings”. We’re sure Ashray is willing and able to take on these tasks.


 

Trey Schmohl and Caroline Failon  They consider themselves a shade of red (Yes, Trey, we are going to count ‘puce’ and ‘mauve’ as shades of red) and both really, really love breakfast food. Their ideal date would most likely be a breakfast diner, where they can enjoy all the oatmeal and waffles they so crave. And don’t worry, Caroline; we checked, and Trey seems to have a functioning soul, which seemed to be important to you....

Trey Schmohl and Caroline Failon
They consider themselves a shade of red (yes Trey, we are going to count ‘puce’ and ‘mauve’ as shades of red) and both really, really love breakfast food. Their ideal date would most likely be a breakfast diner, where they can enjoy all the oatmeal and waffles they so crave. And don’t worry Caroline, we checked, and Trey seems to have a functioning soul, which seemed to be important to you….


 

Tommy and himself Tommy, or as he liked to refer to himself in our survey, ‘Optimus Prime’, is looking for a comedian-like soulmate with Stalin and Ariel-like qualities and a passion for potatoes. Seems like the only one who matches this hyper-specific definition is himself.

Tommy and himself
Tommy, or as he liked to refer to himself in our survey, ‘Optimus Prime’, is looking for a comedian-like soulmate with Stalin and Ariel-like qualities and a passion for potatoes. Seems like the only one who matches this hyper-specific definition is himself.


 

Kelsey Stratford and LuluLemon We deduced from her survey responses that Kelsey is three steps above a yoga fanatic. Her favorite color is red to match the signature Lulu bag, and she requested to have feet for hands in order to maximize her yoga abilities. Not only will this match help her connect with her true passion, but it will also allow her to take advantage of some killer yoga discounts.

Kelsey Stratford and LuluLemon
We deduced from her survey responses that Kelsey is three steps above a yoga fanatic. Her favorite color is red to match the signature Lulu bag, and she requested to have feet for hands in order to maximize her yoga abilities. Not only will this match help her connect with her true passion, but it will also allow her to take advantage of some killer yoga discounts.


 

Bay Diggs and Megan Foster  Bay wants a woman who loves to make, eat, and share many different types of food, including Hot Pockets. Megan shares his passion for food, and hey, Bay TOTALLY is the Liam Hemsworth-type guy that she requested, right?

Bay Diggs and Megan Foster
Bay wants a woman who loves to make, eat, and share many different types of food, including hot pockets. Megan shares his passion for food, and hey, Bay TOTALLY is the Liam Hemsworth-type guy that she requested, right?

Disappointed that you weren’t matched? The offer for pizza and candy with the co-editors still stands…Jussayin’. Happy Valentine’s Day to all you young lovers!!

About the author

Gabi is a superb, sensational, sumptuous senior at Collegiate. Her spirit animal is a raccoon, and in her spare time, she enjoys playing Pokemon, doing titrations, and practicing banjo.