Top Ten Ways Sheldon Lied About Breaking His Ankles

Just in case you missed it, USC cornerback Josh Shaw injured both ankles recently, and then lied to his university, his coaches, and the media about how it happened. 

Here is how Sheldon Speedmeyer claims he broke his ankles.

10. Changing his light bulbs

9.9. Sky-diving

9.8. Performing CPR on a roly-poly

9.7. Violently picking his nose

9. Parking in the lower school

8.0. Violently chewing gum

8.1. Violently wearing spaghetti straps.

8. A vicious game of Cornhole

7.5. Twitter

7. Being sad at Collegiate

7.2. Twerking aggressively

8. Being on “vacation” in Ukraine

6. Underwater basket weaving (Varsity)

5.5. Reading The Match while driving

5. Getting tackled by Reeeeeeeeeeeed

π. Getting chased by Collegiate security’s drone

2. Accidentally walking into Bagels with Ben

1.5. Committing a felony

About the author

Sheldon has been writing for The Match since 2007. He is a perpetual senior, coming close to graduating a few times. In his free time, he enjoys watersports, such as chess and calculus.