Top Ten Reasons Mr. Justice Cut His Hair

9. His old friend Eric Cantor’s loss upset him a great deal.

8. The Buddha told him to.

7. The hair will be used to make new guitar strings.

6. The hair will be ceremonially buried on the UVA Lawn.

5. The bald eagle hatchlings left their nest in his hair.

4.5. The haircut was scheduled for “Now.”

4. Braided hair incense sticks.

3. It’s the first step of his Hero’s Journey.

2. He’s joining the Latin Kings.

1.51. It’s bad feng shui.

1.5. The braid became self-aware.

About the author

Sheldon has been writing for The Match since 2007. He is a perpetual senior, coming close to graduating a few times. In his free time, he enjoys watersports, such as chess and calculus.