You are cordially invited to the greatest Gatsby party ever, Collegiate’s very own 2014 prom. Join us April 12 as we relive the Jazz Age in all its corrupted, glittering glory. The festivities will start at promptly at 7 o’clock in the Western Wing of the Egg Center; guests who arrive late may potentially be run over.
Transportation will be personally provided in the form of a canary yellow station wagon for each student and their date at no cost. For a small fee, the student may opt to be driven to the dance in a sleek Rolls-Royce. However, we cannot guarantee the safety of the passengers.
Apparel should be appropriate and formal. Male students are required to wear pinstripe suites and white loafers. Large eyeglasses and canes are optional, and will be provided at the dance. Female students may wear any variety of beaded dresses, gloves and hair accessories also optional. For those female students more athletically inclined, tasteful golfing attire may also be worn.
The decorations will be very aesthetically pleasing, with beautiful ornamental embellishments of green light on the ceiling and bloody bumpers mounted on the wall. Sporadically during the event, the finest silk shirts and 20 dollar bills will cascade down like confetti to entertain the students.
Gourmet cuisine will be provided in the form of hors d’oeuvres and a buffet table. This buffet food will consist of whole pigs and roasted turkeys, artfully arranged salads, and smoked fish. Crates of the freshest fruit will be squeezed on site, making for enticing refreshments.
Entertainment will be provided in the form of various party games. We have spared no expenses, allowing students to participate in such diverting activities as “Rowing against the Current”, “Mattress Floating and Bullet Dodging”, “Nose Breaking”, and “Swing Breakdancing”. We have also catered to less ‘active’ students’ desires, and will provide many scandalous magazines for their amusement.
Music will be provided by an entire jazz orchestra, complete with oboes, trombones, saxophones, and piccolos. Any student who so wishes may sing onstage at any point during the band’s performance.
We hope to see you there, old sport!