Top Ten Safety Schools

10. Eastern Mennonite College (Go Bonnets!)

9. Alaskan Christian Women’s Jewish College for Boys for Excellence for the Future

8. ECPI (0 to Bachelor’s in 2.5!)

7. J. Sarge

6. St. Olaf University (Go Frozen Tundras!)

5.3. Harvard

5.23. Gap Year

5.2. Hamburger University (as run by McDonald’s)

5. Colorado School of Mimes (Go Silently!)

4. Transylvania University (Go Vampires!)

3.8. University of Doc Hailes State

3.5. Monsters University

3. Tom Deluca School of Magik (“You’re getting sleepier…”)

2. Hogwarts

1.75. Don’t go.

1.5. Saigon School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine (Go Mosquitoes!)

1. St. Chris

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About the author

Sheldon has been writing for The Match since 2007. He is a perpetual senior, coming close to graduating a few times. In his free time, he enjoys watersports, such as chess and calculus.