Sheldon’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions

10. Learn to say no to Rob Ford.

9. Eat more Chipotle.

8. Watch only one Youtube video, and go straight to bed.

7. Be more like Tim Lengel.

6. Survive on nothing but Cafe food for the year.

5. Run for Mayor of Toronto.

4. Werk less, twerk more.

3.5. Have a Science teacher’s new baby named after me.

3. Bust yer boy outta’ duh cage.

2. Celebrate myself… more…

1.5. Buy a Hoverboard & a dog translator.

1. Exist.

About the author

Sheldon has been writing for The Match since 2007. He is a perpetual senior, coming close to graduating a few times. In his free time, he enjoys watersports, such as chess and calculus.